How to Deal with Toddler Anxiety: A Comprehensive Guide for Parents

Parenting is a journey full of surprises, and one aspect that catch many parents off guard is having to deal with their toddler’s anxiety. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore the different stages of toddlerhood and delve into signs, coping mechanisms associated with childhood anxiety, and when to seek professional assistance.

Pre-School worries and Bedtime concerns ages 1-3 years old:

As your toddler takes their first steps into day-care or pre-school, you might notice a surge in anxiety marked by tears and clinging during goodbyes. Bedtime rituals may transform into a stage for fears of the dark or separation anxiety. Teacher and psychologist, Sabina Bashir recommends a gradual introduction to separations, perhaps with a grandparent or brief classroom trial. Intentional goodbyes, rather than covert exits, foster a sense of security. All children are different. Even children in the same family may behave differently to each other, so she insists that there is not a one size fits all approach.

 Fears of ghosts and monsters ages 3-4 years old:

The age of vivid imaginations and, yes, tantrums. While realistic fears of loud noises and things that go bump in the night persist, toddlers may now battle imaginary monsters with equal fervour. Anxiety manifests through tantrums, tears or avoidance, as verbal expression remains a challenge. Establishing a soothing bedtime routine, including monster checks if necessary, is Sabina’s counsel. In the face of persistent tantrums, maintaining composure is paramount and if necessary seeking assistance. It’s important that parents see these as real fears and as such  require parents to show their children how to deal with the monsters. Sabina suggests that parents put themselves in their children’s shoes. Imagine the monsters are real, model how to deal with them. As children grow older they will face many real fears in their life. Now is the time to develop their bravery, so that they learn how to keep themselves safe and become resilient.

 Realistic Fears ages 4-5 years old:

At this stage, toddlers exhibit an enhanced ability to discern between reality and fantasy. Yet, fears of ghosts may coexist with concerns about school, family and health. Dealing with normative anxiety involves offering comfort, reassurance and encouraging toddlers to confront anxiety-inducing situations with your support. Naming and verbalizing emotions play a crucial role in developing their emotional vocabulary.

When You Should Worry

While occasional anxiety is part of childhood, prolonged distress or impairment in daily functioning due to anxiety requires attention. Sabina suggests that there is a distinction between normative anxiety and anxiety disorders, emphasising the need to seek professional help if the parents or child’s life is significantly impacted.

How Can You Be a Better Parent to an Anxious Toddler?

• Acknowledge and manage your own reactions to your child’s anxiety.
• Assess your tolerance for challenging behaviour and identify your triggers.
• Adjust expectations, recognising that perfection is an unrealistic standard.
• Be confident in managing your child’s behaviour, providing clear directives.
• Always remember to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective.

In-the-Moment Coping Techniques:

• Validate your child’s feelings and reassure them that it’s acceptable to experience negative emotions.
• Foster independence by gradually exposing them to anxiety-inducing situations.
• Break down new routines into manageable steps.
• Recognise and reward your child’s efforts, reinforcing positive behaviour.

Remember, dealing with anxiety is all about finding the right tools for your child, so that they can better cope. You’re responding to the anxiety, not the child.